Heather Hays - Surviving Suicide Help to Heal Your Heart

Welcome

As a News Anchor I report on what's going on in the world around us - except something that takes a life every 16 minutes. That's because people rarely talk about suicide. I want to change that through my book Surviving Suicide: Help to Heal Your Heart.

Every 45 seconds someone attempts suicide.

Every 16 minutes someone succeeds.

My fiancé Brett was one of those "successful" attempts. We spent ten years together, and to look at us, we had it all. We were in love; he was handsome and kind, and I was a news anchor and former Miss Hawaii USA. Five years to the day after I was crowned, hours after I said, "I never want to talk to you again" during an argument, Brett made sure that happened.

I now do whatever I can to spread suicide awareness. I want to teach others about hope and healing, because I don't want anyone to ever feel as alone as I did.

Since you are reading this, you may have lost someone close to you. Or perhaps you know someone at risk. If the former is the case, I want you to know how sorry I am for your loss. My heart breaks every time I hear of another person left behind.

I too am one of those people. Brett woke up one October morning, showered, dressed for work and did the unimaginable. He took his own life.

No matter how your loved one leaves you, there are feelings of isolation and grief, anger and guilt. Suicide is one of the most painful ways to lose a loved one.

I hope you can find comfort in reading the words in my book from those left behind. Gathering the dozens of life stories for this book was part of my own healing process. The stories are about people from all over the world - fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers, friends and lovers - all who ended their lives. The letters that follow the stories are written by their loved ones who were left behind.

The section of this website titled "Book Preview" provides samples from my book, Surviving Suicide: Help to Heal Your Heart. I hope you'll read it and I hope you will gain strength from it.

For those of you who fear you know someone at risk or if you yourself feel life is hopeless, please go to the section titled "Suicide Prevention." There you will find an abundance of articles, pertinent data and many helpful links to organizations and groups that are there to help you. Help is available - please be willing to take that first step. Know that many others before you have taken that step towards healing.

Following are some brief excerpts from my book, some thoughts on Brett, and a brief insight into how I managed to move forward. You can too. First you will find the letter that inspired me to write my book. I wrote the letter shortly after Brett died.

Dear Brett,

I am sitting on a hotel balcony looking out at the beautiful blue ocean that we swam in together so many times. It's weird to be here without you. And it's weird to be writing you this letter. You should be here with me and I'm mad that you're not, but I guess at least I have the memories of the fun times we had here.

I sprinkled your ashes off Waikiki a couple of days ago, and the strangest thing happened...as I spread your ashes, a group of dolphins started doing corkscrews out of the water off the bow of the boat, just like the time we went to Kauai.

Carolyn and GeriAnn think it's a sign you were there with us...anyway I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you today.

I love you always,

Heather

Following is an excerpt from a letter I wrote years later, soon after finishing my book.

Dear Brett,

It is a rainy August afternoon in Dallas. The skies are gray, and the world is wet. It's so different from the last time I wrote you a letter in Hawaii.

There is so much I want to say to you, and I just don't know where to start. I miss you so very much. I still get angry with you. Not like I used to, though. I don't scream at the air anymore. I saved the tape from the answering machine that has the last message you left for me. You told the kitties to take care of me. You told them how much you loved them and loved me. I am so thankful I didn't erase the messages that night. The kitties are now with you in heaven...

I cannot begin to explain the pain I have been through since you died...

I feel sorry for all of us - for me, for you and for those who loved and lost you. You meant so much to so many people...

I love you, and I miss you. You were my best friend. Keep an eye on me, okay? I need that.

Forever,

Heather

Finally, here is an excerpt from my book, from the section entitled "Healing Hearts":

Life sometimes takes us on a path so winding, we wonder how we will ever find our way back home. After all home is exactly where we want to be - safe, warm and protected. But when we lose someone we love, we often wonder how to go on without feeling like the walls are crashing in around us.

...we go on because that is what we do. We have family and friends who love and support us, and would be devastated to lose us. We must survive for them and for ourselves. Those of us left behind feel, at times an almost unbearable pain, and the suffocating cloud of confusion. But life is worth living, and life does move forward. You will, at your own pace, join that movement...

Thank you for coming to my web page. Thank you for having the courage, as either a survivor or a person in difficulty, to seek help. And again, please utilize all the resources available here and at the many sites mentioned in the Suicide Prevention section.

You might also wish to visit the Photo Gallery to see photos of some of the events that I've supported. The Blog page keeps you up to date on current happenings in my life and you may also find some occasional commentary about world events. The Media page has news articles, videos and interviews that I have participated in. The Events page keeps you abreast of upcoming events. And please sign my Guestbook - I'd like to hear from you.

Heather Hays

	Welcome As a News Anchor I report on what's going on in the world around us - except something that takes a life every 16 minutes. That's because people rarely talk about suicide. I want to change that through my book Surviving Suicide: Help to Heal Your Heart. Every 45 seconds someone attempts suicide. Every 16 minutes someone succeeds. My fiancé Brett was one of those "successful" attempts. We spent ten years together, and to look at us, we had it all. We were in love; he was handsome and kind, and I was a news anchor and former Miss Hawaii USA. Five years to the day after I was crowned, hours after I said, "I never want to talk to you again" during an argument, Brett made sure that happened. I now do whatever I can to spread suicide awareness. I want to teach others about hope and healing, because I don't want anyone to ever feel as alone as I did. Since you are reading this, you may have lost someone close to you. Or perhaps you know someone at risk. If the former is the case, I want you to know how sorry I am for your loss. My heart breaks every time I hear of another person left behind. I too am one of those people. Brett woke up one October morning, showered, dressed for work and did the unimaginable. He took his own life. No matter how your loved one leaves you, there are feelings of isolation and grief, anger and guilt. Suicide is one of the most painful ways to lose a loved one. I hope you can find comfort in reading the words in my book from those left behind. Gathering the dozens of life stories for this book was part of my own healing process. The stories are about people from all over the world - fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers, friends and lovers - all who ended their lives. The letters that follow the stories are written by their loved ones who were left behind. The section of this website titled "Book Preview" provides samples from my book, Surviving Suicide: Help to Heal Your Heart. I hope you'll read it and I hope you will gain strength from it. For those of you who fear you know someone at risk or if you yourself feel life is hopeless, please go to the section titled "Suicide Prevention." There you will find an abundance of articles, pertinent data and many helpful links to organizations and groups that are there to help you. Help is available - please be willing to take that first step. Know that many others before you have taken that step towards healing. Following are some brief excerpts from my book, some thoughts on Brett, and a brief insight into how I managed to move forward. You can too. First you will find the letter that inspired me to write my book. I wrote the letter shortly after Brett died. Dear Brett, I am sitting on a hotel balcony looking out at the beautiful blue ocean that we swam in together so many times. It's weird to be here without you. And it's weird to be writing you this letter. You should be here with me and I'm mad that you're not, but I guess at least I have the memories of the fun times we had here. I sprinkled your ashes off Waikiki a couple of days ago, and the strangest thing happened...as I spread your ashes, a group of dolphins started doing corkscrews out of the water off the bow of the boat, just like the time we went to Kauai. Carolyn and GeriAnn think it's a sign you were there with us...anyway I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you today. I love you always, Heather Following is an excerpt from a letter I wrote years later, soon after finishing my book. Dear Brett, It is a rainy August afternoon in Dallas. The skies are gray, and the world is wet. It's so different from the last time I wrote you a letter in Hawaii. There is so much I want to say to you, and I just don't know where to start. I miss you so very much. I still get angry with you. Not like I used to, though. I don't scream at the air anymore. I saved the tape from the answering machine that has the last message you left for me. You told the kitties to take care of me. You told them how much you loved them and loved me. I am so thankful I didn't erase the messages that night. The kitties are now with you in heaven... I cannot begin to explain the pain I have been through since you died... I feel sorry for all of us - for me, for you and for those who loved and lost you. You meant so much to so many people... I love you, and I miss you. You were my best friend. Keep an eye on me, okay? I need that. Forever, Heather Finally, here is an excerpt from my book, from the section entitled "Healing Hearts": Life sometimes takes us on a path so winding, we wonder how we will ever find our way back home. After all home is exactly where we want to be - safe, warm and protected. But when we lose someone we love, we often wonder how to go on without feeling like the walls are crashing in around us. ...we go on because that is what we do. We have family and friends who love and support us, and would be devastated to lose us. We must survive for them and for ourselves. Those of us left behind feel, at times an almost unbearable pain, and the suffocating cloud of confusion. But life is worth living, and life does move forward. You will, at your own pace, join that movement... Thank you for coming to my web page. Thank you for having the courage, as either a survivor or a person in difficulty, to seek help. And again, please utilize all the resources available here and at the many sites mentioned in the Suicide Prevention section. You might also wish to visit the Photo Gallery to see photos of some of the events that I've supported. The Blog page keeps you up to date on current happenings in my life and you may also find some occasional commentary about world events. The Media page has news articles, videos and interviews that I have participated in. The Events page keeps you abreast of upcoming events. And please sign my Guestbook - I'd like to hear from you. Heather Hays