By Mark Leland
Woman Magazine
January 3, 2006

As a journalist and television anchorwoman, Heather Hays is in the business of sharing the day’s news with the five million or so people of North Texas. From the FOX-TV owned and operated station in Dallas, Hays recounts the tragedy, the heartache, and yes, even the uplifting moments of other people’s lives before the TV cameras, night after night.

From her perfectly white smile, beauty queen good looks (she’s a former Miss Hawaii) and a six-figure salary, one might think her personal story was a happy one to tell. But for Hays the fairy tale image plays out more like a nightmare.

“The nature of television news includes breaking news, daily deadlines and new information every day. That means we advance stories, investigate abuses and expose wrongdoing,” says Hays from her office at KDFW-TV, FOX 4. “Now, I had my own tragedy, my own breaking news, that shattered my heart.”

It was nine years ago, in October of 1996, when Hays was anchoring the news in Green Bay, Wisconsin, at the then start-up news operation at WGBA-TV, that a death would change her life. Hays’ fiancé Brett Herman, living in Yakima, Washington at the time, was found dead in his pickup truck. The cause of death was carbon monoxide poisoning. The method of death would be suicide.

“When Brett first died, I told people he died in a car crash. I thought people would think less of him if they knew he killed himself,” Hays admits.

While suicide accounts for more deaths than homicide or AIDS, it’s not a story that makes the nightly news very often, unless it’s a high profile celebrity or politician. Many newsrooms around the country have an unwritten policy not to report random suicides. That was the mindset of Hays for a while, too.

But overwhelming sadness, loneliness and even guilt, from having an argument on the phone with Herman the night before his death, eventually paved the way for Hays to speak out. Years after the fact, it would be too late to make the news, but the story she wanted to share was one of coping and survival for those left behind.

“I want to help remove the perceived stigma of suicide,” Hays says. “And the way to do that is by talking about suicide and spreading awareness.”

Since leaving Green Bay for Dallas in 2000, Hays was able to collect her thoughts and she started putting them down on paper. She has taken the time to meet other survivors of suicide, first in trying to overcome her pain, and now in trying to help others do the same. The result is a self-published book titled, “Surviving Suicide: Help to Heal Your Heart – Life Stories from Those Left Behind.”

“I want people to know, first and foremost, no matter how alone you might feel, you are not alone. There are people who can empathize with your pain, who can help you on your journey toward healing and you can provide hope that life is worth living,” says Hays about the message of her book.

She began to write at first as sort of a cathartic exercise to try and help her understand why “the love of her life” as she called Herman would want to take his life. Hays realized she would never find the answers about Herman’s death in her notes, but after meeting others through crisis centers and suicide survivor groups, she knew she might be able to put her writing talents to use to help others.

“It’s very strange but in the middle of writing about something so dear to my heart, I would have to stop and think about the business end of it: chapters, table of contents, forewords, cover design,” says Hays, who put up the $18,000 needed out of her own pocket for the book’s layout and design. And that’s just for the first book run.

The business of sharing not only her story, but Brett Herman’s story, also required a literary agent. She found one and they spent more than a year pitching the book to big name publishers, but the topic wasn’t a big seller. She discovered what she already knew… that “suicide is a terribly touchy subject.”

While she has saved all the publishing house rejection letters, she never took them personally. The process helped Hays come to the understanding that in order to succeed in her mission, she needed to go into the book business on her own.

“I have such incredible belief in this project that I am taking the financial risk,” Hays says. “For two years, I did nothing but get up at 6 a.m., sit at the computer, work until noon, go to the station for my real job, get home at 11 p.m., work until 2 a.m., get a little sleep and do it all again.”

The book, available by order through bookstores like Barnes and Noble or by contacting Hays personally through her website, www.heatherhays.com, could be categorized as a self-help book. It’s a sharing book with each chapter offering stories about people who took their own life. Family members and loved ones of these suicide victims even share letters of frustration and coping in the book. Hays tells her story and there are also several from those she met while living in Northeast Wisconsin.

The book also includes sections written by counselors and clergy offering ways to move through one’s grief. Hays wanted it to be the kind of book she would have picked up when Herman died to help her find comfort, understanding and the realization she was not alone.

“The stories are short and read similar to a ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’ book,” Hays says. “You can open the book anywhere, read for a few minutes and walk away feeling like you accomplished something.”

The book has helped Hays to open up about surviving suicide, and in the process she’s become a spokeswoman for suicide awareness. In Dallas, she has been active with several non-profit groups, helping to raise money and awareness for the cause. A portion of the proceeds from Hays’ book will be donated to CONTACT, a crisis and counseling hotline in North Texas, of which Hays is an active board member.

“I have just recently begun speaking to groups about losing Brett and about the power of healing,” Hays says. “I want people to be able to learn from Brett, and from his death. I want to show that you can move forward, not necessarily ‘get over’ the death, but we move forward with life. We take our tragedies and learn from them and hopefully help others learn from them, too.”

Writing is something Hays has done throughout her professional career as a television reporter and anchor. But being the author of a book had always been an aspiration she wanted to fulfill. She believes her pain helped her to turn something negative into something very positive for herself and for others.

“Making the decision to share an overwhelmingly sad part of my life was actually very easy. The difficult part is what came after the decision – finding a way to reach out, and finding the strength to get through the story without breaking down in tears.”

And now that she’s writing, she has no plans to stop.

“Actually the next book is already in the works. It’s a much different genre – it’s fiction set in a newsroom,” beamed Hays. “There is a serial killer loose in the city and a love affair between the investigative reporter and the anchor.”

Now that’s more like what you might hear about on the evening news.